i really shouldn’t even dedicate this

poem to you because that would be kind

that would imply that you still

have some kind of importance in my

mind anymore

i’ve learned that in ten years, i’ll forget

your name and you’ll still remember mine

i’m the hurricane that never left the harbor

and the crack in your windshield

i’m that girl you’ll tell your wife about

the one that went bat shit crazy

but i’ll take crazy over ignorant

and conceited any day of the week

it’s too bad you were bad

and i was the best you ever had

"Day Twenty-Six" (via politelydecline)

Random Journal entries from this year.

Something invisible inside her snapped
and she doesn’t feel the same next to me anymore.

Life has been heavy lately,
it’s weighing on my mind and shoulders.

I can measure it too by the extra room in my waist band
and the dullness in festering in my eyes.

I am swimming in my thoughts
and its always past midnight, which is when
the sad souls emerge
and we all seem to avoid the same question,
“are you okay,”
because over the years we’ve gotten tired of smiling lies.

And if we actually exposed our broken pieces
and shared of how they got that way

My fear is that I might break you with my life
by destroying your hope in people, humanity or tomorrow.

I’ve surprised too many people with my addiction to continue breathing.

I’m only silently holding on by a thread
So don’t ask me if I am okay.

I can’t take the reminder that I’ve gotten really
good at smiling lies.
I’m always up past midnight
When the shadows hide my smile perfectly
Just enough for you to believe it.

But Darling
it’s not suicide if I’m already dead
and you killed me long ago
and I know you will scoff at this, at me
But what you did,
What you do changes people
and all you could do was drain me.

Was it easy when you left
and took everything I cared about with you,
becoming one of the guys my mother warned me about.
The ones who steal your breathe away
never intending to give it back.
At least I learned how to hold my breathe.

I found that,
I couldn’t destroy what
he destroyed in me.

#mandikandi (via coughingtree)